Dear 13-year old Allisha..

On a forum that I frequent, there was a thread started inspired by this article;

http://www.ivillage.com/letter-my-13-year-old-self/4-a-291551?dst=blogher,ntwk_hdln,102110,wb,loveyourbodyday

I decided after reading some responses that I should do one, too.

Dear 13-year-old Me,

You're just that - 13. I should have wrote this to you when you were 9, because maybe then it wouldn't be too late. You're the only girl I know with 2 full time jobs ontop of grade school.

You're growing up way too fast.

You're heading into high school next year, and its going to be rough for the first little while but you'll make some great friends. Stay away from the kids that hang out near the front doors, though, they aren't good for your health.

I need to tell you something, and I need you to believe me. Its not your fault, okay? Mom is a strong woman, and although she seems angry she isn't angry at you. You are her rock, and all she really has in this world - in a few years, you'll see. Come home on time, don't sass back. Do you chores and stop fighting with Sam, doesn't sound like much fun but do it anyway..

When people call you fat, and make fun of the way you look its only because they have nothing better to say. You're an intelligent girl, you're strong, you're going to grow up to be a great person. You're beautiful on the inside, and out. Who cares what they say.

Dad only has about 10 years left, so take it easy on him, okay? I know he isn't the easiest person to get along with, but he loves you more than you know. Cherish the time you have with him, and don't grow up too fast - he hates that.

Remember that there are people in this world that love you, and cherish you, and respect you because of your strength and ability to love unconditionally. You will find happiness, because you deserve it, even if you don't think so right now.

Yours truly,23 year old you.

bright lights, big dreams, lookin’ pretty

growing up i was never the kind of girl to fabricate my future or dream of what could be, i was more concerned with the moment – living for it, living in it. even as a little girl i often tired from hearing about growing up to be a princess or an actress, i was too realistic for my own good – i wanted to be a wife, a mom, and a veterinarian.

i wouldn’t call those who participated in these “dreams” delusional, nor do i really blame them, we grow up hearing from our parents, teachers & whoever else that we can be what we want to be, do what we want to do - when really that is a boatload of chicanery – i can’t just grow up and be a princess because i put my mind to it..

my parents were always very honest with me, they rarely treated me like a child even though that’s exactly what i was. i grew up quickly, by choice for the most part. i learned early in life that life is, in fact, exactly what you make it. never in a million years would i have fantasized about being an elf working for Santa Claus, but i also didn’t think i’d be married by 22 or working a job that is taking me nowhere making $12 an hour.. its interesting to me that we spend so much of our lives setting ourselves up to be let down, rather than setting realistic expectations and becoming galvanized when we exceed those expectations.

ive overcome some pretty interesting obstacles in my career as a girl, woman, whathaveyou.. and have become a strong, independent and knowledgable person because of it. of course, i would have rather not had to subjugate these obstacles at all, but i don’t know that i would be me if i hadn’t tripped over my own feet and landed flat on my face in the middle of every. single. one. i mean, really, i can’t “blame” anyone but myself.. & i find it hard to call it blame, because in all actuality i wouldn’t have made it to where i am now if i hadn’t.

i don’t give myself enough credit where credit is due. im over critical and cynical when it comes to me and lately ive come to realize that i shouldnt be. i am surrounded by so many amazing people who are constantly complimenting me, praising me, admiring me, encouraging me and loving me unconditionally that i have no reason to berate myself the way i do.

120 days ago i got married. i woke up that morning in the company of the most amazing women i have ever had the pleasure of calling my friends. as my dad walked me down the aisle, i was greeted by the warmest smiles – not just our guests, our friends, our families – and as we said our vows, i looked into the eyes of my best friend and realized that life doesn’t get better than this, regardless of the past, it is what it is and i can't change what has already happened…